A Chicken Hawk is an adult that preys sexually on minors. They typically frequent bus stations and places where run-aways are likely to be found. The gullible young person is led into a situation from which he or she cannot escape unmolested.

I was about fourteen or fifteen (or even sixteen) when I began running away to New York City. I had been running away from home for some time. Since puberty? I cannot remember. I was in love with a girl I had met at a party who lived on Long Island. I resolved to go see her. I caught the bus to NYC and was trying to figure out how to get from Penn to (whatever the fuck that town was) out on Long Island when I was befriended by a young man.

I think I was tripping at the time. This was before I stopped tripping because of paranoia. It was not uncommon for me to engage in all sorts of activities while under the influence of LSD. Maybe not. In any event, we got to talking and ultimately found ourselves at his apartment.

You know what: I think he gave me LSD. I remember he asked me if I wanted to watch a "dirty movie" and, not having had a lot of experience with porn at that time, I said, "Sure, why not?" (This devil-may-care attitude of mine will ultimately be my ruin.) By today's standards it was pretty tame. It aroused me. We drank wine and watched the movie again. He said he had laced the wine with LSD and asked me what I thought. I liked it. I felt good.

I'm not sure exactly how subsequent events transpired. I remember we became "tired" and he said I would be much more comfortable sleeping in the bed with him instead of on the sofa. I remember resisting. I acquiesced. Once in bed I tried to remain "distant." He got on top of me and threatened me.

"Look goddamn it I 'm a fucking faggot so do what I tell you!"

Or something to that effect. I was scared. He sucked on me but I was too scared to respond. He became angry and told me to get aroused. I don't know how I did it, probably youthful hormones, but I managed to obey his wish. He then rolled me over and fucked me. It was painful and I cried. He came in me, I believe.

Hell. Here's the difficult part.

Afterwards, I wanted to suck him and tried. He prevented me from doing so because it was unsanitary. I was disappointed. I remember saying, "But it's only fair." He rolled over, instead, and I fucked him until I came.

The next morning he took me to the station and saw me to the train to get to wherever the fuck it was I was going. I kissed him passionately and told him I wanted to stay. He said it wouldn't work out.

Besides, I had to go see my girlfriend.

Somehow this event became known to the closet gays (there were no other kinds at that time) in my high school. They approached me about it - with circumspection, of course. I enjoyed the attention but gave them no reason to think I was anything but straight. I was terrified. But they never revealed it to anyone else. How they found out is still a mystery to me. Maybe that's why I live among gay men. They will keep your secret safe.

A gay teacher approached me some months (?) later. I think he wanted to "reach me." It's possible the gays had figured out what happened to me and were worried. Or maybe there is no connection at all. In any event, I was too far into Quaaludes and barbiturates by then. My memory from that time is very sketchy.