Dear Diary:

I am flirting with the edge of mania. I believe it started last night. I keep telling myself it's "just a sensation" and it will pass. But the euphoria is unmistakable. I was tossing and turning in bed for hours last night, drifting in and out of grandiose delusions. I never cease to be amazed at the level of detail in these dreams. I can smell, feel, see, and hear the people. I taste their hearts. All is wonderful. I finally got up and took another sleeping pill.

The madness is taking me in my emotional outreach. I am falling in love and spinning wildly out of control. The ground, the air, the sun, the horizon. Blurring in the spin of the tumble. The fall continues but nothing stays in focus for very long.

What have I done? What have I done? What have I said? What life have I've bruised and to what consequence? Oh, please God, please do not let me hurt anyone. Please do not let me leave scars on anyone but myself. I will cut myself for you. I will bleed for you. I will embrace the pain. I will not complain. Please do not let me hurt another soul.

I cannot stay this lonely forever. I must do something to escape it. I must get out. But how? But where? With who? I have remembered so much and forgotten so much. I am reborn with full awareness but without skills I thought I had and mastered. The gene mix has changed. The instincts are different. My heart beats loudly but I do not recognize its rhythm.

I love. I love. This I know. This is real. This is the air I breath and it races by me, icy against my wounded skin. It numbs the pain. It turns me away from shadow.

There waits the blood. I smell it. It is sweet. It calls to me. Hold me my love. Let me crash through your thorny embrace and share this blood with you. Let me not spill it in hopeless mist over the landscape so far below.